A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilege

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS tax auditor who had come to review his records.

At one point, the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilege to live in this country and to pay taxes!"

Mr. Carelton, sweating profusely, forced a weak smile. "Oh, absolutely! A privilege… kind of like getting a surprise dental surgery!"

The auditor raised an eyebrow. "Sir, are you implying that paying taxes is painful?"

Mr. Carelton cleared his throat. "No, no, of course not. I just think… uh… it would be even more of a privilege if the amount I owed didn’t make me question my life choices."

The auditor, unfazed, continued flipping through the records.

"I see here that last year, you claimed your dog as a dependent?"

Mr. Carelton nodded eagerly. "Yes! Buddy is basically like my child. He eats my food, sleeps on my bed, and even ignores me when I call him!"

The auditor frowned. "That’s not how dependents work, Mr. Carelton."

"Okay, okay, fair point," Mr. Carelton admitted. "But what about my home office deduction? I use my garage for important business meetings!"

The auditor squinted. "It says here you’re a freelance writer… and your ‘office’ is your car?"

Mr. Carelton nodded. "Exactly! I write grocery lists, to-do lists, and sometimes—when I’m feeling ambitious—a text message."

The auditor sighed. "Sir, none of that qualifies as a business expense."

Mr. Carelton gulped. "So… does that mean you’re going to take away my refund?"

The auditor smiled. "Oh, Mr. Carelton, you were never getting one in the first place."

Mr. Carelton slumped in his chair. "Well, at least let me keep the dog deduction. He’s been sitting here the whole time, and honestly, I think he’s just as stressed as I am."

The auditor glanced down at Buddy, who was lying on his back with his paws over his eyes.

After a long pause, the auditor sighed. "Fine. But only because he looks more emotionally invested in this than you do."