One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden. "You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!" So

 One morning a woman

was walking out of her
front door, when she
noticed a strange little
man at the bottom of
her garden.

“You’re a goblin!” she shouted, pointing accusingly. “I caught you, and you owe me three wishes!”

The goblin sighed dramatically, tossed his tiny rake aside (he’d been weeding a suspiciously glowing mushroom patch), and said,
“Fine, fine. But I warn you, lady, my magic is a little… unpredictable before my morning coffee.”

Unfazed, the woman declared, “First wish: I want to be rich!”

POOF! Her name was legally changed to “Rich.” She groaned.

“Second wish,” she huffed, “I want to live in a big, fancy house!”

POOF! Her modest home suddenly grew three stories taller—with no stairs. Just ladders, and a slide. The goblin winked. “Fancy and fun!”

“Alright,” she muttered, narrowing her eyes. “Final wish. I want to be irresistible to men.”

POOF! The goblin grinned. “Done.”

She looked in the mirror—she hadn’t changed. Confused, she stepped outside… and instantly got chased down the street by a mob of dogs and delivery guys, all yelling,
“Ma’am! You forgot your Wi-Fi password, your cookies, and your Amazon packages!”

Turns out, the goblin made her smell like bacon, fresh coffee, and success.

As she sprinted away, she yelled over her shoulder, “Goblins are the worst!”

And from his mushroom patch, the goblin sipped his espresso and muttered,
“Should’ve wished for patience first.”