Dave Smith is on his death bed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in London. He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present

Dave Smith is on his death bed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter, and two sons are with him at his home in London. He asks for two independent witnesses to be present.

The nurse, slightly confused, asks, “Mr. Smith, why do you need two witnesses?”

Dave whispers dramatically, “It’s time to read… the will.”

His wife leans in, expecting a deep family revelation. His children are on edge. The room falls silent.

Dave slowly lifts a trembling hand and points toward the old bookshelf.

“In that dusty copy of The Da Vinci Code, I’ve hidden… nothing. Just wanted someone to finally read it.”

Everyone groans.

But he’s not done.

“Alright, alright,” he says with a mischievous grin. “Now seriously. To my beloved wife Margaret—I leave you the remote control, because let’s be honest, I haven’t held it since 1994.”

Margaret wipes a tear—of laughter.

“To my daughter Emily—I leave you the family recipe book. Page 42 is a lie. There never was a ‘secret ingredient.’ I just liked the mystery.”

Emily gasps. “I knew it tasted like plain mashed potatoes!”

“To my sons, Daniel and Jack—I leave you each half of my record collection. You’ll have to negotiate custody of the Queen albums like civilized adults. No fighting over Freddie!”

The sons high-five.

“And to Nurse Linda—I leave you this priceless heirloom,” he says, removing a rubber chicken from under the blanket. “Use it wisely.”

Nurse Linda stares in stunned silence as he hands it to her like it's Excalibur.

He then closes his eyes for dramatic effect. After a few moments of silence, he peeks one eye open.

“Also... I’m not actually dying. I just wanted to see if any of you would start crying before I confessed to accidentally deleting the family Netflix account.”

The room explodes in a mix of relief, laughter, and groans.

Dave sits up and says, “Well, since everyone’s here… tea, anyone?”