A man decides to join the circus. He shows up to demonstrate his skills to the ringmaster. "I have the most unusual act," he announces. "I'm sure it will amaze you." He climbs up to the

A man decides to join the circus. He shows up to demonstrate his skills to the ringmaster. "I have the most unusual act," he announces. "I'm sure it will amaze you." He climbs up to the very top of the tallest flagpole in the center of the ring, a dizzying height that makes the ringmaster's bowler hat practically spin.

The ringmaster, a jaded veteran with a handlebar mustache and an eye for the truly bizarre, watches skeptically. He's seen it all: fire-eaters who accidentally singed their eyebrows, clowns who were more terrifying than funny, and a contortionist who once got stuck in a picnic basket. "Alright, my good man," he boomed, "impress me! What miraculous feat do you perform up there, precariously perched like a bewildered pigeon?"

The man, still high up, took a deep breath. "For my first act," he shouted down, his voice echoing slightly, "I will jump off this pole!"

The ringmaster's eyes widened. "Jump?! My dear fellow, that's not an act, that's an emergency! We have health and safety regulations, you know! And a perfectly good ambulance on standby, but we prefer not to use it!"

"Don't worry!" the man yelled back, with a confident grin. "It's all part of the show!"

With that, he took a dramatic leap. The ringmaster gasped, the few lurking circus performers collectively winced, and a nearby elephant let out a mournful trumpet. The man plummeted downwards, picking up speed, a blur against the canvas ceiling. Just when it seemed he was destined for a rather splat-tastic ending, he hit the sawdust-covered ground with a soft THUD, completely unharmed, and immediately sprang back to his feet, dusting himself off.

The ringmaster stared, utterly flabbergasted. He adjusted his monocle, then peered closer. "By Jupiter's beard!" he exclaimed. "That was… astonishing! Utterly reckless, undeniably dangerous, but astonishing! How did you do it, man? Are you made of rubber? Did you have an invisible trampoline?"

The man beamed, taking a dramatic bow. "Ah," he said, puffing out his chest, "that's the unusual part, sir! For my second act, I shall tell you how I survived the fall!"

The ringmaster, his jaw now practically on the floor, waited expectantly.

The man leaned in conspiratorially, as if sharing the deepest secret of the universe. "You see, it's quite simple," he whispered, "I don't actually do any stunts. I just make sure I land directly on my wallet. All those credit cards and loyalty program memberships really cushion the blow! It's amazing what a few hundred plastic rectangles can do for impact absorption!"

The ringmaster slowly raised an eyebrow, then burst into a booming, disbelieving laugh that shook the entire tent. "Get out!" he roared, wiping tears from his eyes. "You're hired! Not for the pole jumping, mind you, but for the sheer audacity of your financial cushioning! We'll call you 'The Human Cushion,' or perhaps 'Debit Card Daredevil'! Just… please try to land on something other than your American Express next time. We can't afford that kind of collateral damage."