A doctor in Dublin wanted a day off work to go fishing, so he approached his assistant. "Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care

A doctor in Dublin wanted a day off work to go fishing, so he approached his assistant. "Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of everything. I've left detailed notes on each patient's chart, so just follow those. And for goodness sake, try not to burn the place down or prescribe anyone a cure for eternal youth – we'd never get rid of them!"

Murphy, a man whose enthusiasm often outstripped his medical knowledge, puffed out his chest. "No problem, Doctor O'Malley! Consider it handled. I'm practically a doctor myself, after all these years of observing your brilliance!" He winked, grabbed a stethoscope, and began practicing his most serious doctor-like frown in a nearby mirror.

Doctor O'Malley, with a sigh that suggested deep resignation, decided a day of battling salmon was probably less stressful than leaving Murphy in charge. He packed his fishing gear, gave one last, lingering look at his meticulously organized clinic, and headed out.

The next morning, Doctor O'Malley was enjoying a peaceful cast when his phone vibrated. It was Murphy.

"Doctor! You won't believe the day I'm having! First patient, Mrs. O'Malley – no, not your Mrs. O'Malley, the other one – came in complaining of a terrible cough. I consulted your notes! You had 'prescribe cough syrup.' So, I gave her the whole bottle! She's feeling much better, though she did mention she's now seeing leprechauns."

Doctor O'Malley nearly dropped his rod. "The whole bottle, Murphy?! It was a family-sized bottle!"

"Oh, was it? Well, she certainly doesn't have a cough anymore!" Murphy chirped. "Next, young Finnegan came in with a broken arm. Your notes said 'splint.' So I, being a resourceful man, found two sturdy rulers and a roll of duct tape! He's currently trying to play the tin whistle with one hand, but he says it's surprisingly strong!"

Doctor O'Malley pinched the bridge of his nose. "Murphy, for the love of all that is holy, you didn't..."

"And the last patient, Mr. Henderson, came in with a severe case of the hiccups," Murphy continued, oblivious. "Your notes were a bit vague on that one, just said 'shock treatment.' So, I connected him to the defibrillator and gave him a tiny jolt! He stopped hiccupping immediately! Though he did jump three feet in the air and then demanded to know if he'd just seen the light!"

Doctor O'Malley, at this point, just slowly reeled in his line. The peaceful fishing trip was over. He knew, with a chilling certainty, that he was going to need more than just a strong drink when he got back to Dublin. He was going to need an entirely new clinic, possibly a new assistant, and definitely a very long explanation for the local emergency services.