A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please send me a sign! A really obvious one! Like, maybe a briefcase full of cash falling from the sky, or a talking unicorn pointing me towards a winning lottery ticket. I'm not picky, honestly, just something that screams 'divine intervention' and isn't too subtle, because frankly, subtlety and I have never really gotten along."

Days passed. No briefcase. No unicorns. Not even a particularly insightful pigeon. The blonde was getting more desperate. She prayed again, louder this time, like God might be hard of hearing. "Okay, God, clearly my last prayer wasn't specific enough. I need money. Like, a lot of money. Enough to pay off my debts, buy a really fabulous new wardrobe, and maybe even invest in a chain of artisanal glitter factories. How about… how about you let me win the lottery? Just once! A big one!"

Still nothing. The blonde, now teetering on the edge of full-blown panic, tried one last time, this prayer a desperate wail. "God! I'm truly at my wit's end! My landlord is threatening to turn my apartment into a ferret breeding facility! Please, please, please let me win the lottery! I'm begging you! Just tell me which numbers to pick!"

Suddenly, a booming voice, deep and resonant, filled the room. It wasn't the gentle, ethereal voice she'd imagined; it was more like a cosmic gym instructor with a megaphone.

"MY DAUGHTER," the voice boomed, making the windows rattle, "I HAVE BEEN WAITING! I HAVE BEEN LISTENING! BUT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY... GO BUY A TICKET!"

The blonde blinked. She looked around, then up at the ceiling, then back at her empty purse. A slow, dawning realization spread across her face. She grabbed her coat, practically sprinted out the door, and was the first person in line at the nearest convenience store to buy a lottery ticket, muttering to herself, "Well, that was surprisingly direct. And a little embarrassing, actually."