Paddy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs

Paddy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs, but as he reached the first step, there was a loud creak. He froze, listening for any sign that Kathleen had heard. Nothing.

“Phew,” he whispered to himself. “I’m in the clear.”

But as he took another step, creak—this time louder! Paddy nearly jumped out of his skin, but again, no sound from Kathleen. He started thinking, “I must be the quietest man in Ireland!”

Confident, he continued climbing the stairs, but then, out of nowhere, his foot slipped on the last step, and he fell, arms flailing wildly.

“CRASH!” A vase on the hallway table shattered into pieces.

Paddy scrambled to his feet, cursing under his breath. He turned to look at the door, expecting to see Kathleen standing there, hands on hips, ready to give him an earful.

But instead, Kathleen’s voice came from the bedroom, “Paddy? Is that you?”

“Er... yeah, it’s me, love,” Paddy called back sheepishly.

There was a long pause. Then, Kathleen sighed and said, “Paddy, if you’re trying to sneak in after another night of drinking, you should at least try to be quiet. The neighbors called. They thought we were getting robbed!”

Paddy, still trying to gather his balance, mumbled, “I was just testing the new floorboards, Kathleen... making sure they're sturdy. You know, for safety reasons!”

Kathleen didn’t reply right away. Then, in a deadpan tone, she said, “And I suppose the vase was just part of the safety inspection too?”

Paddy sighed, defeated. “Well, you know, safety’s important. Can’t have the house falling apart in the middle of the night.”

Kathleen chuckled. “Paddy, you're lucky I love you. Now come to bed. And maybe next time, just wear the shoes, eh?”

Paddy grinned and staggered into the bedroom, muttering to himself, “Who needs enemies when you’ve got a wife like that?”

The next morning, as Paddy tried to sneak out of bed early to avoid any more “safety inspections,” Kathleen popped her head up and said, “Paddy, if you're planning on drinking tonight, take the shoes off before you come in. At least try to keep up with your safety checks.”

Paddy smiled, shook his head, and thought, "Maybe I should start checking in on her safety... with a good Irish coffee!"